7 Apology tips to help you apologize smoothly and effectively

Apologizing does not always mean that you are wrong and the other person is right; it just means that you value your relationship more than your ego.

M
any people do not apologize. They wait for the other person to do so.
Do you think people should apologize more often or not?

Whether you did something bad, and want to learn how to apologize about it, or you want to be ready to apologize when time comes, I will make sure you find great content here that will serve your purpose.

You will find great tips on how to apologize, and a proven, effective language to use in your apology.

Considering the formality/informality of language

The first, and one of the most important things to consider before  apologizing is the level of formality that should be used in the apology. Apologizing to a bestfriend is never like apologizing to an employer, or a stranger.

Apologizing Informally

First of all, I would like to state that an apology remains a genuine expression of regret whether it was done using formal language, or informal language. There should not be signs and expressions of disrespect just because one is apologizing to a bestfriend. We are all humans after all.

One chooses to informally apologize because he usually knows the addressee, the person whom the latter is going to apologize to, well enough to break through formalities. A simple sentence like:

Hey. I'm sorry

will do if it was not a big deal.

Apologizing formally

People tend to use formal language to apologize when they do not know the other person well, or when the addressee is above the addresser, the one who wants to apologize, in the hierarchical level they both belong to.
e.g: an employee apologizing to his boss in an office.

Tip #1

Put the person whom you're going to apologize to, and the location in which you're going to apologize into consideration to help you decide whether to apologize formally, or by using non-formal language.

 

Choosing the right channel of communication to apologize

It is the 21's century, and we have more communication channels than ever. Each communication channel has its pros and cons.

When it comes to apologizing, choosing the right channel to use is crucial to determine if your apology will sound honest and expressing regret, or will be emotionless and cold.

A Spoken apology

Face-to-face apology is considered as the best way to apologize, whether by using formal language, or informal language. By choosing to do that, the person shows to the one whom he is apologizing to that he cares about their relationship, and his/her importance in that person's life. Everybody can send an apology text, but not everyone can apologize in person.

The pros of apologizing in person are: Having the option to express regret through body language, having the ability to shake hands, touch, or hug the other person, having the advantage of looking the other person in the eyes ( you know what they say, eyes say what words can never express ), and getting instant feedback, which is significant to form an idea about whether the apology was accepted or not.

Phone apology. The second best option to opt for, if apologizing in person is impossible, is to call. I'm emphasizing the verb to call because many people will confuse it with sending an audio message. There is a big difference between the two, and I will tell you why.

By speaking with the other person through the phone, you will still get the feedback, and listen to what s/he has to say about the situation. Unlike sending an audio message, cause you may never get feedback if the other person is still upset, and chose not to reply.

The pros of apologizing via the phone are pretty much like the pros of apologizing in person, except you cannot see the other person, or physically interact with them; but you can still, certainly, form an idea about whether things are getting better between the two of you by listening to what s/he says ( the words used ), and how s/he says it ( the tone of the voice ).

There are 2 cons of spoken apology in my opinion.

First, it is hard and requires great courage. Second, the other person may interrupt your apology if s/he got upset, and that could leave you with nothing to say, so the conversation will become awkward between the two of you. However, I still highly encourage you to opt for a spoken apology because even if this happened, which is unlikely to happen in most cases, you will at least know how the other person feels about what you have done wrong.

A Written Apology

Sending an apology letter, e-mail, or text message is obvious not as great as apologizing in person or via the phone. But it is still an acceptable way to apologize, specially if you cannot meet or reach the phone of the person you are trying to apologize to.

The disadvantages of a written apology is that you may not get a reply, so you can't even know how the s/he is feeling about it; and the advantage of this is that you get the chance to deeply think about what you are going to say, use those emoticons ( who would refuse a bunch of cute little yellow emojis? ), and make the right choice of words, which takes us to the next point.

Tip #2

You can choose whether it is suitable to apologize in person, by calling, or by sending a text. It is up to you to decide. Always remember, apologizing in person is the best way to apologize if it is possible for you to do it.

Choosing the right words

Based on what words you chose to apologize, you can either make a great apology, or make things worst. How to opt for the right words to use in an apology?

Knowing apology words and phrases. A person cannot apologize without knowing what to say, and what words and phrase are used to apologize in his/her language. Fortunately, English includes many words and phrase that people can use to apologize. Here is a list of 10 apology phrases for you:

• I am sorry for/that...
• Please accept my apologies for...
• I am afraid that/I... 
• Sometimes people make mistakes, and today I want to...
• Sorry for being... 
• I never intended to... 
• I am not perfect. I do many mistakes, and I honestly want to...
• Unfortunately...
• I would like to apologies...
• I do/must/sincerely apologize for...

If you want more, here is an  article that was published in the DC IELTS website that includes more phrases. There is even a quiz to test your abilities to use those phrases. For fun, here is another article that includes a list of 50 apology text messages that are designed for romantic relationships, but i guarantee you not all of them are romantic, and you can make use of some of them.

Knowing the appropriate apology words and phrases to use

Knowing when to use certain words and phrases instead of others is as important as knowing apology words and phrases in your language. Since there are many situations that require an apology, each situation requires the usage of certain apology words and phrases.

If you want to express regret, a simple sentence like

I am sorry about my attitude last night. I should not have done that. I am so sorry about it

 will be good for that situation.


Requesting forgiveness requires a different apology where you actually ask the person to forgive you, and force them to reply to you.

I am sorry about my attitude last night. I should not have done that. Will you please forgive me?

will fit the situation.


If you did something wrong, and you are ready to take full responsibility for it, then you should state that in your apology. Something such as

I am sorry about my attitude last night. I know what I did was wrong, and I certainly should not have done that

 is appropriate in this case.

I can't believe I reacted that way yesterday. Please tell me what I can do to make it up to you

is great when it comes to making restitution.


Sometimes we do something after we lose our temper, or when we get stressed, that is not acceptable; and we feel that don't want to repeat that ever again. How to apologize in that particular situation? Simply by expressing the desire to change the behavior. Here is an example:

I am sorry about my attitude last night. Can you think of something that could help make sure this does not happen again? I do not want to repeat that again

To know more about those apologies, please visit Power to Change website, and read Anrea Shair article:  5 Apologies That Always Work.

Tip #3

Choose words to use in your apology wisely. A good way to know which words to use is to put yourself in the other person's situation, and see what words would you like to hear, and what you would not like to hear.

Effective Words: A word to use and a word not to use

While apologizing, a single word could flip the whole situation. There are two significant words that could either make your apology sound better, or terrible.

Using "I"

While apologizing, one must accept responsibility for what s/he have done, and the best way to do that is using "I" statements.

I am sorry I hurt your feelings

Is x10 times better than

I am sorry YOUR feelings were hurt

The first one shows acceptance of responsibility and expresses regret, while the second one pushes responsibility for the offense off on to the other person.

Using the "but"

It is hard to understand an apology that includes a "but". It shifts focus from expressing regret and acknowledging responsibility -- to justifying yourself.

I am sorry I hurt your feelings. I was tired, and I said something I regret

is x10 times better than saying

I am sorry, but I was just tired

It's true that words have power. A Single word can affect the whole situation.

Tip #4

Use "I" more frequently, and avoid "but" in your apology

Speak about the future

Usually, we apologize after doing/saying something wrong. Apologizing then repeating the same mistake again will not probably be a smart move, thus, you need to promise the other person, and yourself, that it will not happen again.

After making such a promise, try to stick to your words. Respect the promise you made.

Tip #5

Promise that It won't happen again, and stick to your words.

 

Control the sound

From the sounds that surround you, to the sound you produce on your own, controlling those sounds and making them suitable for an apology is a must to deliver an effective apology.

Quietness

While planning to apologize to someone, make sure you include the apology location as well. That is to say, you try to apologize in a quiet place where both of you can speak freely, and hear each other clearly.

Focus on your voice

Pay attention to your tone and volume. Make sure to speak loud enough so the other person can hear you ( not so loud as if you were shouting ), and speak in an apologetic tone to make it obvious that you are apologizing and expressing regret.

Tip #6

Choose a quite location to apologize, and try your best to deliver a calm, genuine apology.

 

Using non-verbal communication to make your apology crystal clear

Body Language. Since you will be the one who starts the conversation, use open humble body language to help express your apology.

To make it simple, I created a simple list of Dos and Don'ts for you.

Dos:

• Make eye contact
• Use open palms to gesture
• Keep your face relaxed
• Keep your head kind of low

Don'ts:

• Avoid eye contact
• Force a smile
• Use closed palms to gesture
• Cross your arms

Touch

Use touch to convey emotions that you can't convey using words. If it is appropriate, a hug or a gentle touch on the arm or hand will be meaningful.

Listen carefully

After apologizing, it is time for you to listen and pay attention to what the other person wants to say. In most cases, s/he will want to express their feelings to you as well. Give them the chance to do that by being a good listener. S/he may still be upset, but you have to do your best to remain open and calm.

Tip #7

Hold eye contact, relax, and use your body to express regret; touch the other person when it is appropriate, and listen carefully to what s/he says.

I have tried to share everything I learned about  the language used in apology in order to make it effective. Apologizing is not easy for most people to do, but it is certainly a genuine behavior. Always remember that you do not have to be wrong to apologize, you are just apologizing because you are an amazing person, and you value your relationships with people.

If you want to apologize from someone, whether by apologizing in person, making a phone call; sending a text message, an e-mail, or a letter, I can help you do that. Please feel free to consult me by clicking here.

The Kind Word blog's main goal is to help you be a better speaker. Communication is the most important skill in the world, and people who know how to speak tend to have more power and authority than those who do not. If you are interested, here is how you can start your journey of becoming a professional speaker: Let's become better speakers together!

References

1.  http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/5-extraordinary-ways-to-say-%E2%80%9Ci%E2%80%99m-sorry%E2%80%9D-and-mean-it-using-this-2-step-process/
2. https://powertochange.com/sex-love/5-apologies-that-always-work/
3. http://www.dcielts.com/ielts-letters/apology-words-and-phrases/
4. https://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/how-to-apologize.htm
5. http://www.wikihow.com/Apologize
6. http://www.futurescopes.com/romantic-ideas/1000/apology-text-messages-send-your-girlfriend-saying-sorry-your-girl
7. http://www.keepinspiring.me/apology-quotes-im-sorry-quotes/